Undercover Briefing File

Friday, March 4, 2016

Day 9 - Oh, the tangled webs we weave...

"Remmy!" Red called out anxiously from the kitchen.  "The damn sink is leaking again! GET UP!"

Johnny groaned when he heard Red calling for him.  Dammit. Couldn't he sleep in just one day around here?
He slipped from his nice warm bed and glared at the leaking sink.
Grabbing the wrench, he attacked the leak with a vengence, grumbling under his breath all the while.  Red stood back, staring at him appreciately.   "I always did like a man that could use his hands," she said saucily.

Johnny twisted the bolt tighter and made a face.  "Not now, Red," he growled, shaking the dripping water off of his arms.  He was cranky, tired, and soaked from head to toe.

Red just continued to stare.

He shook his head.  "I'm going to go shower," he said, excusing himself.

Red fanned herself as he walked away.  Mmm... mmm... mmm.... Remmy was so damn sexy!
Johnny hit the showers and washed up.  He was starting to feel somewhat like a human again.
Stepping out of the shower, he glared at the toilet.  Damn thing's been clogged for days and nobody's done a darn thing about it, he thought, grabbing the plunger.  And how hard is it to unclog a damn toilet?

Did criminals have to be so filthy?!


Red had finished wiping the drool from her mouth and headed over to the lab station.  Big Louie dabbled with synthetic potions on the black market.  It was good to keep up the supply. 
Red was just about to add a drop of a highly reactive chemical when Bambi popped up behind her.  "You should be less obvious," she scoffed disdainfully.

"Christ, Bambie! You almost caused an explosion!" she snapped angrily, putting the beakers down on the lab station since her hands were shaking so hard.  "What are you talking about?"

"Remmy's never going to go after a girl like you.  You're not his type!"  She flounced her hair.  "Now, me, on the other hand..."

Red watched Bambi flounced away, perky boobs and perfect hair.  And damn if she wasn't right.  It seemed all the men in the damn Warehouse were idiots that panted after women like Bambi.  She consoled herself with the fact that a) they only wanted Bambi because they thought she was easy and b) she could look even if she couldn't touch.


Johnny was desperately wracking his brain, searching for a clue to connect Mack's disappearance with Big Louie.  There didn't seem to be anything.  Behind him, Big Louie and Bambi were whispering about something.
WaitBig Louie and Bambi were whispering about somethingThey'd been fighting like cats and dogs since they'd been holed up here.  Something wasn't right here...

He needed to dig alittle deeper.


With that in mind, he headed to the kitchen and quickly loosened the nuts on the faucet. He needed a distraction.
"DAMMIT!" he yelled out.  "The sink broke again!"
Big Louie jumped up and ran to survey the damage. "What'd you do Remmy?"

Johnny fiddled with the valves.  "Damn thing is a piece of crap.  We need to replace the whole thing!" he said distastefully.  "I can run out and grab one."
"Do it," Big Louie said.  "But do it quick."
"On it," Johnny said, heading for the door.

Behind him, Big Louie motioned to Tiny T.   Follow him.


"What do you mean, you lost him?" Big Louie demanded.  "You were supposed to be following him!"
"I tried Big Louie, but he jumped the railing and caught the train before I could catch up with him," Tiny T. said.

Big Louie sneered.  "You couldn't jump the railing?"  He threw his hands up in the air.  "Guess we should start calling you Too Big T!"
Tiny T. glared at Big Louie.  "My mother called me big, once.  Once," Tiny T. said in a deadly calm voice. 
"Geez, don't be so sensitive!" Big Louie said, cringing slightly.  Who knew there was a reason they called him Tiny.  It was because he really didn't like being called big!
Big Louie headed to the bar.  Guess the only left to do was wait for Remmy to get back.


"Shit," Johnny swore under his breath as he hurried back with a sink slung over his shoulder.  He'd lost precious hours delivering his report to his boss and then answering questions.  He'd told them to run a more thorough background check on Barbara Bambino, aka Bambi.  Something wasn't adding up.  He'd pick up the report in a few days.

But now the sun was setting and Big Louie was going to kill him for being so late.
Big Louie ambled over as Johnny replaced the sink.  "What took you so long?" he asked.

"Had to go across town to pick it up from the Rehab Store," Johnny said.  "All the sinks at the home repair stores were over $200.  Just trying to save you money."

Big Louie crossed his arms and harrumphed loudly.  "Why'd you slip your shadow?"

"My shadow?"  Johnny asked, pretending surprise.  He'd seen Tiny T. a mile away and it'd been almost too easy to give him the slip.  "You sent someone to follow me?"

"Of course. I hear you've been slipping out of the Warehouse to meet a girl.  What's her name?"

Johnny met Big Louie's eye across the sink.  "Aw, shucks, man. I never kiss and tell," he said sardonically. 

Big Louie narrowed his eyes at Remmy, threatening him with his glare.  But, Remmy remained thin-lipped.

"Find out who Johnny's been slipping away to see," Big Louie instructed Bambi. 
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Slick said passive-aggressively.  It hurt to see Bambi and Big Louie whispering in each other's ears.  He quickly walked away.

Johnny was on the phone with his Bianca, aka Tiffany with the water in the shower running.  That should give him 15-20 minutes to chat with his partner.  She got to the heart of the matter in seconds.  "I heard Romeo peppered you for hours about your case. I just wanted to give you a heads up that he's thinking about pulling the operation...."

"The hell he will!" Johnny snapped angrily.

He heard a hand on the doorknob, twisting.
"Gotta go, babe. I just got busted," he said in a husky voice.

"I heard yelling in here and thought I'd check it out," Bambi said with a sheepish grin.

Johnny turned around and shot her a look of disbelief.  "You just wanted to try to catch me in the shower."

Bambi shrugged innocently.  "It's not too late, you know," she said, tilting her head towards the running shower.
"Actually, I was hoping to talk to you," she whispered in his ear.

"About?" he asked with disinterest.
"The thing is, I was hoping to scratch each others' back," she told him.  "I want some time alone with Slick sometime soon."
"How does that involve me?" Johnny asked.

Bambi smiled widely.  "You distract Big Louie for a little bit for me and I'll turn my back when you go visit your girl!  You still seeing that girl from the disco?"

"Nah," Johnny covered smoothly.  "I never date someone longer than a few months."

"Never?" Bambi asked in surprise.  "What about that girl you were living with?"

Her name slipped off of Johnny's lips before he could recall it.  "Mackenzie?"

Bambi's eyes lit up.

"What does it matter. Look, I'm not promising anything.  I know you're not getting along with Big Louie, but you're still his girl.  I'm not stupid enough to cross that just to get some tail."

Bambi trailed her finger down Johnny's shirt front.  "Well you just let me know, sweetheart," she said coyly.
Johnny  headed to bed, shaken from the conversation he'd just had with Bambi.  Dammit, how could he have let Mackenzie's name slip.  He didn't trust Bambi farther than he could throw her.  And he could probably throw her very far in the mood he was in...
"Looking good, Remmy," Red catcalled as he crawled into his bunk.

Johnny grunted.  "You, too, kid," he said back.


"Wait, so you're saying the chicken came first because it woulda had to have laid the egg in the first place?" Weasel asked.

Butterfingers nodded.  "Yeah. See?  I grew up on a farm. I know these things."

"But, wait. Where did the chicken come from if it didn't hatch from an egg?"

The two geniuses stared at each other in confusion.

"Huh. I never thought about it like that," Butterfingers admitted.

"Would you morons shut up already and get out of my way! I want to go to sleep!" Big Louis sneered, tapping his toe impatiently.


Bambi undressed and slipped into the bed with Slick.  Was he in for a surprise tonight, she thought as she scooted closer to him.

Day 8 - Big Louie's Informant

"You slept with Butterfingers?" Slick hissed, catching Bambi by her arm.

Butterfingers had been ecstatic to brag to him that he'd slept in the same bed as Bambi.  His friend hadn't even finished crowing when Slick stalked off to find Bambi.
"Oh please, it wasn't sexual at all!" Bambi told him.  "He's a teddy bear!"
Slick lowered his voice. "What about me?" he asked, jealousy and needy.

Bambi sighed. "Slick, you know that would be suicide. If Big Louis caught us in bed together..." she let her thought trail off.
They both glanced across the room to where Big Louis was eating.

Bambi leaned in closer and whispered, "Besides, if we were ever in bed together, we wouldn't be sleeping."
Slick preened as Bambi walked away.

As she walked away, she kept her gaze on Big Louis.

"You big knucklehead!" she heard him yell at Tiny T.  "You mixed the chemicals wrong!"
Tiny T. shrugged and set the beakers down.

"You know how much money you just wasted?!" Big Louis demanded.  "I should make you off yourself!"

With Bambi's saucy remark, Slick found it hard to stay away.  "We could slip away where no one would see us," Slick suggested. "Maybe the shower..."

"Oh, Slick, you know we can't!" Bambi giggled and lightly tapped Slick's bare chest.  Distracted, she lightly caressed the spot.  On second thought, she told herself...
Hearing Tiny T. grumbling behind her, she snatched her hand back and shook her head.  "We can't, Slick..."
"Can't what?" Big Louis asked from right behind her.
Bambi screeched in surprise.  She couldn't believe he'd been right behind her!
"Do you think I don't know what you two are talking about, all cozy back here?"  Big Louie demanded.  "I don't need to remind you what happens if you displease me, do I?"

Bambi shook her head quickly. "No, Big Louie. We were just talking."
Big Louie turned towards Slick.  "Keep it up, Pretty Boy & I'll make sure you never work anywhere again."  He paused dramatically.  "It's hard to work when you're swimming with the fishes."

Slick paled and held his hands up in supplication.  "Anything you say, Big Louie."

Johnny felt like he hadn't made any progress on his case at all.  He had to head into work tomorrow and give his boss a status update and he was at a loss. 

Meanwhile, Red had found another way to keep herself active and in good shape.

Big Louie surprised everyone by announcing he was heading out for a bit.  He left Remmy in charge of the miscreants.
(Apparently the trash can is very, very, far away)


He waited for his informant at the spot they'd agreed on for ten minutes.  Looking at his watch, he cursed.  He was Big Louie, he didn't wait for anyone!

Then, he saw her.

"Did anyone see you slip out?" he demanded.

"No, Big Louie," she promised.
"What's your status report?" he asked impatiently.  "I haven't got all day."
Bambi answered, her voice crisp, competent and intelligent.  "We know next to nothing about Armando. He's a no-name kid from the burbs. He could be the plant.  Remmy had a few mysterious phone calls with a lady friend. I think he snuck out to meet her.  Tiny T. is obviously loyal to you, but he's very jealous of the attention you give to Remmy. I'm trying to determine whether he might be jealous enough to turn on you. While I don't believe it's Red, I do know that she's fiercely protective of "her boys", as she calls them. I think she might be crazy enough to lie for them.  I don't think Butterfingers has the brains to pull off a sophisticated infiltration, but I think that Slick might just be cagey enough.  And it's clear he's not intimidated by you since he's pursuing me, your "girlfriend.""

She took a breath and paused.  "So all in all, they're still all suspect."
Big Louie glanced back at his watch and headed inside.  "Just be sure to do the job I hired you to do.  You can see to your personal pleasure with Slick after we find the snitch."

"Of course, sir," Bambi replied, coolly professional.  "I have no interest in Slick, or any of the other men, outside of this investigation."

"See that it stays that way," he snapped.


Bambi slid onto the bench beside Butterfingers.  "So, what are we watching?" she asked with a flutter of her eyelashes.

Butterfingers nervously glanced at her.  "Er, umm... just watching some sports, ma'am. I can change the channel if you like."  His palms starting sweating when she looked at him.  

Bambi shrugged. "That's okay," she said nonchalantly.

He couldn't stand it anymore, Butterfingers thought, his fingers clenched on his legs.  "I can't sleep with you again!" he blurted loudly.  Armando glanced over at the couple in surprise.
Bambi raised her eyebrows in surprise.

Clearing his throat, Butterfingers explained in a calmer tone, "Miss Red told me that I need to remember my place.  I don't want Big Louie getting mad at me."

"It was nothing," Bambi said, reaching for his hand where it sat on his upper thigh.  Butterfingers squirmed.  "We're friends, right?"

"That's right, m.. m... ma'am," he stuttered, trying unsuccessfully to pull his hand away. "Just friends."
Bambi stood up then, dragging Butterfingers up with her.  Leaning in, she whispered, "Have you noticed anyone acting suspiciously?"

Butterfingers looked around and then leaned close to Bambi.  "I'm not one to tell stories, but I saw Armando heading outside one day.  When I looked out the window, he was playing in a puddle. Now that is mighty suspicious!"
Bambi sighed quietly. Apparently it was going to be hard getting any useful information from Butterfingers.  "Who do you think the snitch is?"

Butterfingers scratched his head under his hat.  "I don't rightly know, ma'am.  It's all a kerfuffle.  Maybe there isn't a snitch. Maybe there's just a seed planted somewhere."

Bambi blinked in confusion. "A seed?" she asked.

"Yeah, you know. A listening device."

"A bug?"

Butterfingers scratched his head again. "I'm not sure. Why would they plant a bug. It'd make more sense to plant a seed."

Bambi giggled and playfully swatted at Butterfingers, changing the topic.  A bug, no there was something they hadn't considered before.

Behind them, Johnny watched.  A bug, no there was a thought that might come in handy.


Johnny finally cornered the Weasel.  Armando had been slipping away and dodging him since he almost blew his cover to Tiny T. at breakfast the other day.
"You got rocks for brains?" Johnny asked, knocking Armando on the head.
"Nah, man. I just forget things sometimes. Like my keys. Or what I'm thinking. I'm forgetful like that!" Armando protested, taking a step away from Johnny.
"It won't happen again, Joh..." he cut off when he saw the look on Johnny's face.  He swallowed.  "Remmy.  It won't happen again, Remmy."

"See that it doesn't," Johnny snapped.


Armando didn't know much about... well... much.  He stared down at the chess pieces.  But why did Johnny want to keep his identity such a big secret anyways?